Lyn Gala

One writer's journal through one version of reality

Femdom

6 Comments


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I’ve never made a secret out of the fact that I love femdom.  That said, I hate reading much of the genre.  Feeling in need of a fix, I went and banged around Literotica for a while yesterday.  Women tricked men, abused men, terrorized men, and hurt men.  Um… is that sexy?

I don’t know. Maybe I’m out of touch with the rest of the femdom.  Maybe there’s something inherently sexy about a woman forcing a man the way some find rape fantasy the hottest thing since The Great Chicago Fire.  Maybe.  I don’t get it.  I like my dominant women (and men) to care about their submissives. Sure, they screw up, but they love the person they’re dominating.

Da’shay in Blowback is dominant and she pushes Tom places he would never go, but she does that because she knows the danger even if she can’t tell him.  She pushes him because she wants him to find a place where he’s happy.  And yeah, in real life, I would definitely say she pushes too hard, but the glory of fiction is that I can let her get a little dangerous. In the world of fanfic, I’ve made Cordelia (from Buffy) into a Domme more times than you can count.  I’ve let her sharpen her claws on Spike, Xander, Angel, and Harmony.  I’ve allowed Willow and Faith (also from Buffy) to do a more subtle form of taking charge of their men.  I’ve written River (Firefly) as a complete dominant, taking total charge of Jayne over his rather vocal and profane objections.  They all made it clear that they ruled the roost, and no one had permission to disagree with them.

However, reading other femdom stories, I was confronted with stories where women trap men, feminize them or humiliate them.  Men described their small dicks and admitted that a small dick made them a prime target for being owned.  Um… is it just me or is that a little… uh… fucking terrifying?  I thought the idea that a person’s physical traits defined their personality went out years ago. And the women who dominate these men don’t care how much pain they cause or what the male is getting out of it.

I’m guessing you’re not even going to be surprised that many of these are written by men.  I found myself back-buttoning time after time after time.

So, what do I want out of a dominant woman?  I want her to take control and not apologize.  I want her to take her submissive into account, even if she will never be ruled by him.  I want her to admit that she is not perfect and still stand up and insist that her imperfections are no reason to apologize for her strength.

Paige in Insistent Hunger strikes me as a Domme who just hasn’t found her groove yet.  She’s small, but as a cop, she never thinks her size makes her less effective.  She can give a drunk good-old-boy orders and make sure they stick.  And when a retired military man tried to tell her how to handle an investigation, she not-so-nicely told him to go fuck himself. But at the same time, she never tried to get a promotion–she never tried to move beyond being a small-town cop.  She had trust issues and control issues that made her very aware of her own flaws, even while she never backed down.

I guess I will be avoiding Literotica in my search for powerful, dominant women unless I develop an odd need to watch submissives get abused. Not likely.

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Author: lyngala

Lyn Gala started writing in the back of her science notebook in third grade and hasn't stopped since. Westerns starring men with shady pasts gave way to science fiction with questionable protagonists which eventually gave in to any story with a morally ambiguous character. Even the purest heroes have pain and loss and darkness in their hearts, and that's where she likes to find her stories. Her characters seek to better themselves and find the happy ending (or happier anyway), but it's writing the struggle that inspires her muse. When she isn't writing, Lyn Gala teaches history part time in New Mexico and constantly prays for that one big breakout novel that will let her leave the classroom behind forever. She loves teaching, but she loves writing more.

6 thoughts on “Femdom

  1. I’m glad that mentioned this about Literotica, I was looking on there for m/m dom, and really didn’t like it. There’s an awful lot of non-con humilation and none of the cherishing that I like in fic (and real life). I’ve tried their femdom stuff, and found the same as you.

    So I guess it’s back to fanfic I go *grin* where subs and doms have caring relationships based on trust and respect and love.

    • I know it’s fantasy, but I can’t enjoy the fantasy unless I do have that loving or protective thread underlying the sexuality. Even when my vampires are morally questionable, they love their boys.

  2. So very true. An ex, who proclaimed to all that would listen that he was straighter than straight, got off on femdom erotica and gay fiction. He really enjoyed having me read it out loud to him. This was frequently difficult to do without choking – either because of the content or the extreme poor quality of the writing, spelling, grammer, etc – and these were ‘professionally published works of original fiction’. I’m not going to say that all erotica written by men, especially for men, which seems to be the majority of what I’ve seen, is all bad but it amazes me that it gets published even by independent publishers.

    My ex informed me that for guys its all about the visual and the impression of physicality and the technical aspects of the work really didn’t matter nearly as much. In fat, the more violent and or abusive the better. Non con of all kinds was a big deal. Again this is something that I see in fan fiction, but at least fic writers generally make an effort to use correct spelling and grammar, no matter what gender they might be.

    Have you tried Joey Hill?

    • Femdom does seem like a very male-dominated field, perhaps because submitting is a bigger fantasy than dominating. After all, dominating is hard work… it requires that you not fuck up. Submitting requires trust, which is equally hard to give but in some ways it’s easier. If the dominant screws up, so very much is ruined. If the submissive has a failure of trust, that trust can be rebuilt.

    • You can’t go past Joey W Hill for femdom or anything Dom/Sub. She expresses the dominant and submissive nature/personality as well as the power dynamics between the two so eloquently in all her writing. It’s visceral and intense at times yet each story is beautiful, heartfelt and moving.

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