I was the sort that embraced my unpopularity. Part of that is that I show up on the autism scale. I interact with people fine… assuming I have business with them. Ask me to socialize, and I kind of suck. I have a good friend who tends to interrupt me and say things like, “Smile and thank her, Lynsey.”
Oh. Yeah. Social niceties.
I don’t know how to take compliments well because I see all my own faults. I am even less in tune with insults, and I’ve been told that it’s annoying that I don’t seem to know to get upset. As far as I’m concerned, if an insult is true, it’s true. If it’s not, it’s laughable.
I have embraced my inner Sheldon.
But the odd thing is that every time “Coming Soon” shows up with one of my books, I forget that I’m cool with all this. If people don’t like me, fine. If they don’t like Jacqs, it’s going to hurt and I know it.
This week leading into a new release is the hardest time for me as an author. This is when I worry about whether the ending was good enough and how many grammar mistakes did I miss (because trust me, I miss ’em). Turbulence comes out in less than a week, and this is the height of my utter misery.
I love writing. Even when I’m not doing profic, I’m writing fanfic. Writing allows me to unwind after a long day of dealing with people… and the day I went into admin was the day I frikkin’ lost my mind because I hate dealing with people. I only need to get through seven more month and I can step back into the classroom. Students never gave me the grief adults seem to.
But until that first good review comes in, I’m going to be miserable.
I tell myself that it’s stupid to get so emotional. I tell myself that it doesn’t really matter. I lie to myself until I’m blue in the face.
Sadly, it doesn’t work. So I guess I’m settling in for a week of hitting refresh on the Loose Id website and Goodreads, a week of haunting the review sites and searching for my name as I pretend I don’t really care.