I fell into the weird part of the internet. The bonding fic led me to knotting. Supernatural knotting, as in kinky dirty-wrong sex knotting. And some of these… oh god… it’s like watching an accident that you know you shouldn’t, but you can’t look away. Worse, I want to fix them. Do something to… no. Must get muse away.
Personally, I am doing much better. Last weekend the rollercoaster was about at the lowest point and I felt like I was going to throw up. I did get some great advice from you guys. I already had in-home care while I was at work; however, the social worker hooked me up with someone one day a week, and a friend is coming in a second. That’s enough to take some of the burden off. And then I hired someone to clean my house and yard. Hired. Seriously hired someone to do my dishes and wash my bathrooms, and I think my brain whited out somewhere along the way because 1) I’m too cheap for this shit 2) I’m not rich enough for this shit, related to #1, and 3) Dude, someone touched my dirty underwear. I mean, she touched it because she was doing a load of laundry, but I’m still not sure how I feel about that.
However, again, it took the weight off me.
This isn’t forever. Mom is making good strides. She can now get to the bathroom on her own. That is a huge victory. I’m also getting more efficient with things, and showers and changing nightgowns and dressings and blood pressure… it all takes less time now.
The roller coaster isn’t at the top of the hill, but I’m starting to feel like I see daylight.
And I don’t think I’m going to pay anyone to touch my dirty underwear again. Seriously… still do not know how I feel.