Lyn Gala

One writer's journal through one version of reality


    Sexuality is flexible.  Sometimes. For certain people.

Variety may be the spice of life, but for some people, variety in the bedroom annoys them.  Some people always take dominant roles.  Lady Joy, a beautiful Domme I met at a play party, said she cannot even come without dominating someone, usually in rather severe ways.

The live-in submissive of an Internet friend commented that he can’t even understand switches.  He always needs to be controlled and hurt.  Personally, I am a little more flexible, but only under certain circumstances.  I would pretty much spork my eyes out before submitting to a man or letting his dick near me, which doesn’t mean I couldn’t have fun playing with one.  Sorry guys, nothing personal, but that’s just my dynamic. I’m far more into (and flexible with) women. Everyone has their own limits.

However, I am so tired of reviewers denying this simple truth.

She’s like most women—she thinks all men have fixed roles!” they wail.

Yes, wail.  That’s how I “hear” the words when I read reviews like that.

For the record, I don’t think all men have fixed roles any more than I think all women have fixed roles or all transgendered people have fixed roles.  I also believe that some people prefer to have more fixed roles.

Tom in Blowback always wants to submit (and preferably to women where his trust issues are less likely to make him fight the restraints).

Temar and Shan in the Desert World books are flexible. Events have made Temar a little hesitant, but by the end of Desert World Rebirth, we have plenty of flexibility.

Jeremy is not flexible at all.  The protagonist of Out of Balance is a bit of a pain slut (or a lot of one) and he really needs bondage and pain to get his groove on. On the other hand, Ferro from “Shepherd Slave and Vow” is just a happy slut.  He’ll try anything, anytime. Top, bottom, or in the middle—he’s good with it all.

However, I’ve had about three reviewers wailing (yep, an unfair characterization and unnecessary editorialization that I’m going to keep using because it makes me feel better) that “like most women” I think men have fixed sexuality.

No, no I don’t.  I think men and women and intersexed individuals and transgendered and heterosexuals and homosexuals and bisexuals and bigendered and cisgendered and transsexuals and pangendered and transvestites are all unique.

So, in some of my stories, you’ll find those who are flexible.  Vin from my upcoming In the Weeds is all Dom all the time. In fact, he has trouble reining in his urges to both dominate and play papa-bear all the time.  However, as much as he loves to dominate, he is happy to be the pitcher or the catcher.  So he’s half-flexible.  Stunt from my in progress Mountain Prey really does need to be tied up and taken hard to let go, so he’s inflexible.  Rahul Dwivedi from a book still in draft and blurb stage is so flexible it will break your mind.  Fireplay, topping, bottoming, sensation play… if he hears about it, he wants to try it.  All of it.

So stop assuming.  Stop assuming that gay men have to pursue flexible roles. Stop assuming that they can’t enjoy flexible roles.  Stop assuming that topping means dominating or that a submissive can’t be a damn good top. Stop assuming that any two people–gay or straight– have to express sexuality the same way or that people have to even have sex to be sexual.

Just stop assuming.

Personally, I’m going to keep writing books with characters as different as the people I know in real life.  RJ is a woman who identifies as a man. Miss Dolphinia is a pushy old queen who is as dominant as they come. Nikolai prefers hand-jobs or oral sex, while Carl wants to be the “catcher” every time.

Variety is the spice of life, but only some people want a spicy bedroom. That’s okay, too.



Dominants and Dean

So, I just mainlined seasons one through five of Supernatural. Sex.

Yep, sex.  That’s what I kept thinking about while I watched it, and I’m sure that came in part from the rather… um… energetic sex scenes the series included.

Unlike shows like The Sentinel where I had a background in fanfic before seeing the show, I walked into Supernatural utterly blind.  Despite the fact that I knew a lot of people slashed the brothers, I really don’t see the sexual subtext between them.  What I see between them is the smoldering anger and jealousy that festers in dysfunctional families.

However, I did find myself drawn to certain pairings.  I would love to put Dean with any number of people.  Prior to season five, I wanted him with Anna, the angel.  From the time I first met her, I wanted him with Ellen, the tough hunter and mother to Jo. I liked the history he had with Cassie Robinson, the tough reporter who refused to believe in the Supernatural. Hell, I wouldn’t have minded Dean going with the art dealer Sarah Blake. Hell, I even have a little fantasy involving Gabriel and Kali and Dean (or Gabriel and Dean or Kali and Dean). Early in the show, I couldn’t understand why people wanted Dean with Castiel, the cold angel who came with a big dose of colder reality.  Yes, I changed my mind later, but I’ll get to that.

Looking at my list of pairings, I had to wonder what I was thinking, because I was clearly off the script from the rest of fandom.  Yep, I was definitely heading in het directions, and usually I do like slash pairings.  I don’t think I ran into the answer until I started feeling the Castiel/Dean love.  When Castiel lost his temper and beat the snot out of Dean because Dean wanted to give up, I honestly felt the slashy vibe raise its little head.

So, what do these characters all have in common?  Anna, Ellen, Cassie, Sara, Gabriel, Kali, and late season five Castiel.  That’s an odd list.

That’s a flawed list.

Yep, I finally figured it out. I want a dominant who is flawed, and since I do see Dean as the ultimate submissive, I want him to have a partner who is flawed and owns those flaws.  Anna understood that her grace made her cold and loveless.  Ellen knew she had put Jo in the middle of the fight and she owned her own temper.  Gabriel… well, what can I say about Gabriel, the archangel in witness protection?  These characters know they aren’t perfect, and that makes them better.

No one is perfect, and when a dominant is too perfect (or who sees himself as perfect), I can’t relax and enjoy the story because I’m waiting for the inevitable disaster.

I cringed when people called Charleston from Gathering Storm the “perfect” dom who could fight anyone, plan anything, and understand all.  Um… he was the bait, not the one who came up with the plan to catch the bad guy, he had to call for backup and his job in the first big confrontation was to distract the guy, and when Vinnie first started sniffing around, he thought Vinnie was a bad guy. Charleston is so flawed it’s not funny, but because the story is in Vinnie’s point of view and Vinnie is a little idealistic, those flaws didn’t come through.

However, the fact is that I like flawed dominants.

And that’s why I am starting to feel the Castiel/Dean love. Late in season five, Castiel really started to understand his own flaws.  He doesn’t know what god wants or what he should do.  He recognizes his own anger, and as he told Sam, he knows that he has consistently underestimated the boys.  In other words, he’s now flawed enough for me to enjoy imaging him in a relationship.  Or rather he was always flawed, lost, and ignorant of human capacity for good, but now he recognizes he flaws.

I can trust him to know himself, so I can trust him to know a partner.




I’ve never made a secret out of the fact that I love femdom.  That said, I hate reading much of the genre.  Feeling in need of a fix, I went and banged around Literotica for a while yesterday.  Women tricked men, abused men, terrorized men, and hurt men.  Um… is that sexy?

I don’t know. Maybe I’m out of touch with the rest of the femdom.  Maybe there’s something inherently sexy about a woman forcing a man the way some find rape fantasy the hottest thing since The Great Chicago Fire.  Maybe.  I don’t get it.  I like my dominant women (and men) to care about their submissives. Sure, they screw up, but they love the person they’re dominating.

Da’shay in Blowback is dominant and she pushes Tom places he would never go, but she does that because she knows the danger even if she can’t tell him.  She pushes him because she wants him to find a place where he’s happy.  And yeah, in real life, I would definitely say she pushes too hard, but the glory of fiction is that I can let her get a little dangerous. In the world of fanfic, I’ve made Cordelia (from Buffy) into a Domme more times than you can count.  I’ve let her sharpen her claws on Spike, Xander, Angel, and Harmony.  I’ve allowed Willow and Faith (also from Buffy) to do a more subtle form of taking charge of their men.  I’ve written River (Firefly) as a complete dominant, taking total charge of Jayne over his rather vocal and profane objections.  They all made it clear that they ruled the roost, and no one had permission to disagree with them.

However, reading other femdom stories, I was confronted with stories where women trap men, feminize them or humiliate them.  Men described their small dicks and admitted that a small dick made them a prime target for being owned.  Um… is it just me or is that a little… uh… fucking terrifying?  I thought the idea that a person’s physical traits defined their personality went out years ago. And the women who dominate these men don’t care how much pain they cause or what the male is getting out of it.

I’m guessing you’re not even going to be surprised that many of these are written by men.  I found myself back-buttoning time after time after time.

So, what do I want out of a dominant woman?  I want her to take control and not apologize.  I want her to take her submissive into account, even if she will never be ruled by him.  I want her to admit that she is not perfect and still stand up and insist that her imperfections are no reason to apologize for her strength.

Paige in Insistent Hunger strikes me as a Domme who just hasn’t found her groove yet.  She’s small, but as a cop, she never thinks her size makes her less effective.  She can give a drunk good-old-boy orders and make sure they stick.  And when a retired military man tried to tell her how to handle an investigation, she not-so-nicely told him to go fuck himself. But at the same time, she never tried to get a promotion–she never tried to move beyond being a small-town cop.  She had trust issues and control issues that made her very aware of her own flaws, even while she never backed down.

I guess I will be avoiding Literotica in my search for powerful, dominant women unless I develop an odd need to watch submissives get abused. Not likely.